Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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