im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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