my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
third nipple confirmed
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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