I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
