Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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