very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
