so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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