I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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