Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
