When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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