I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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