my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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