btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
