it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
