I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
