yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
