hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I looked at my own cervix.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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