the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
