remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
