i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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