I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
