the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
