I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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