i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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