i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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