it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize