your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
