dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
