i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
