so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
