No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
