That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
