Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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