nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
