ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
