I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
