we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
