I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
