He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
zippers are such a cool invention
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
