Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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