I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
