Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
