he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
