I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
