I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My ass is underappreciated
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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