I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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