Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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