I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
