fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
