This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
