Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
