actually, I'm a sock model
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
