I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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