so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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