maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
