I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
