I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
