I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
