well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
