I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
