just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
