I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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