she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
