dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
