I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
