Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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