I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
