You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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